I recently had the pleasure of meeting a UN Peacekeeping training officer who talked to me about the importance of having a checklist, especially when dealing with the military! We discussed the idea of a Dos and Don’ts list for Verbal Aikido, and I revelled at the thought (and the challenge!) of compressing the approach into a few essential concepts.
Let’s cut to the chase… here’s what I came up with:
- DON’T worry if you find yourself getting caught up in a heated exchange. DO take the necessary time to ‘recenter’ when you realize you’re not calm!
- DON’T try to dominate a situation or ‘win’ an exchange. DO insert the intention of harmony (at the very least inner) before you continue.
- DON’T take anything anyone says personally… ever. DO consider that whatever is being said could be a reflection, a transfer or a projection of the speaker himself.
- DON’T forget to be sincere when you’re trying to understand the other’s position (Irimi). DO avoid a sterile exchange by proposing an Ai-ki as soon as you detect a destabilization.
- DON’T let the exchange continue further if you have proposed three consecutive Ai-kis and you still feel attacked. DO use all the exchanges you encounter as opportunities to practice and develop the art.
I hope these guidelines work for you – don’t hesitate to share below, and do check out the rest of our site for more activities, anecdotes and articles!
Within and without – peace it all out!